Only a few things can be as uncomfortable as walking in on your hubby while he’s spanking his salami to some hard-core anal porn. Moreover, witnessing him do that every other day is even worse.
However, we shouldn’t joke about this. It’s what porn addiction looks like in most cases. Wives walk in on their husbands watching tons of porn all day, every day, and it affects their private and professional lives.
Luckily, porn addiction is more than curable. What’s more, individuals and couples can deal with it more easily than with most other addictions out there. The first step to recovery is, of course, acceptance of the problem and willingness to fix it. This solely relies on the person struggling with addiction — the husband. Naturally, there are ways others can help them on their road to recovery, and we’re about to list some of them in the following text.
Before we can suggest marriage tips to save your husband from porn addiction, we first need to explain why it’s happening. In essence, the root of all issues is that we as humans crave affection and relationships. And for those who can’t see past the veneer, porn seems to offer exactly that. But as you know, that’s a lie. Porn only offers depersonalized sexual intercourse, which can lead to unrealistic expectations from a partner.
Nonetheless, we need to say how people who view pornography are no deviants. Most folks do it, regardless of their age, sex, and sexual orientation. As such, pornography can be a helpful tool as much as it can become our enemy. The main issue is when we understand it the wrong way and expect that it fulfills the void that it can’t complete. Such voids inside us can only disappear with actual human-to-human contact.
The first step to any recovery is to create a safe space for the person suffering. And since we’re talking about porn addiction, this should be your home. Inside your four walls, the two of you can talk about any topic that comes to mind. Moreover, he can share his thoughts, ideas, fears, and anxieties at any given moment. But to do so, your hubby must feel safe and secure, knowing no harm or humiliation will come out of it.
For example, they share how they feel about your sex life. As such, you might also understand what appears missing, as it may have taken your husband down the spiral of endless pornography. This is happy marriage 101 right here. Although we’re talking about the treatment for problematic pornography consumption, it mostly comes down to common marriage problems. Of course, this doesn’t mean that his behavior is your fault.
Behavioral addictions don’t go away overnight. In fact, they take time before it starts getting better and better. However, that should discourage neither you nor your partner who’s having porn addiction issues. For him to overcome his issues, it’s key to know that treatment is a process that doesn’t have a time limit. His mental health and sex addiction difficulties might disappear after a month or two, or after a year. It doesn’t matter.
Either way, the road to recovery should serve as a basis for both of you to reconnect again. Even if it might seem like your everyday relationship is in order regardless of his waking issue, the truth is far from it. If it were, he wouldn’t need to spill his load over and over to porn scenes on his laptop or smartphone. During his treatment, the two of you should come closer to one another again, laying pillars of trust every step of the way.
No matter how caring you might be, it might not be enough to help your man solve his porn addiction. And that’s okay. You shouldn’t be hard on yourself if that’s the case. But that’s no reason to despair. Like with substance abuse issues and other manual or mental disorders, there are professionals who can help. This is where sex therapists come into play. Their whole careers revolve around these issues, so you should encourage your man to see them.
Of course, it’s key not to push too hard. If your partner doesn’t feel like it in the beginning, you should accept that. However, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t mention it after some time again if you see some forward movement towards that idea. Seeing a therapist is a major step for some people, regardless of the issue. You should, therefore, give your man some time to think about it and prepare him by explaining there’s no shame involved.
Another great way to deal with porn addiction is to get a hobby. This can be anything your partner might like. Also, you can join them or allow them to work on it as some form of me-time, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that does is that he becomes preoccupied with something else than spilling his load into a tissue. He can, for example, start painting miniatures or learn to play an instrument. Anything goes.
If you’re not certain about this tip — don’t worry. This is a common practice that mental health professionals propose to all kinds of addicts. In fact, it’s what your hubby’s sex therapist might propose just after a couple of sessions with him. But if you think about it, it’s a pretty obvious solution. While a man is collecting baseball cards or hand-making furniture, he doesn’t have time to beat his monkey to BBW porn.
Although most men like to think about how they are tough, macho guys, they are just as soft as they were when they were little. Most of this comes down to toxic masculinity, but we won’t go into that now. The point we’re trying to make is that they require your presence, soft touch, and kink words to make it through. It doesn’t matter what they are going through. It can be porn addiction, and your words of kindness can help big time.
By spending quality time with your hubby, they won’t need any support groups and meetings with strangers. With you by their side, he can open up about his frustrations. These can include all other issues that concern them, not just porn addiction. Either way, spending time together instead of going to a date night can prove more helpful than any therapeutic session. After all, sharing and caring are the basis of any healthy relationship, aren’t they?
